Anywhere But Here

Starring Natalie Portman and Susan Sarandon

A funny and poignant tale of a mother and daughter relationship. Susan Sarandon plays Adele, a small-town girl from Wisconsin (with a head full of big cities names), who's dream was to leave home and live a bigger life, which included the aspiration and possibility that her daughter might become an actress. Dragging her reluctant daughter, Ann, they set out for California in a cute vintage Mercedes. The Mercedes has cost her a fortune, if not, a substantial amount of her savings. Once they reached California, Adele improvises along the way as they move from one apartment to another (it is implied that she is unable to pay the utilities bill sometimes), all the while making ends meet in Beverly Hills, (where Ann attends the famed Beverly Hills High School), teaching at an impoverished section of L.A and, being unsuccessful at finding a suitable and rich father for Ann.

There are times, during her strained and endearing relationship with her mother, that Ann thinks about running away. Her mother is a lovely yet flighty women, who knows best for her daughter. Unfortunately, her daughter knows better? Oftentimes, while conversing with well-to-do strangers from their environs, Adele passes off lies about their lives so that mother and daughter would not be looked down upon based on their economic background. Ann grudgingly keeps silent. Her mother found a newspaper advertisement for an audition; Ann reluctantly accepts, making sure that her mother does not come. Not wanting to miss out on her daughter's opportunity to land on a show, Adele shows up at the studio, only to learn that her own daughter is using her mother for inspirational improvisation material, in a demeaning manner. Although Ann is clearly a wonderful girl, the audience is left slightly hesitant about whether Ann really wants to run away from home. This opportunity presented itself, but more because Ann is about to graduate from high school, and, at the start of the film, it was known that she always wanted "to go back East for college". Her mother had already planned her to attend UCLA. Ann finally confronts and explains that this is her only chance to finally do what she wants and to become independent. In the end, including the help of a generous police officer, Adele decides what is best for her daughter by supporting Ann's dream to go away from home for college at Brown University.

I love this indie film.

***

I sometimes wonder why I'm the only child. Of course, there are pros and cons to being the only child. Sibling-less. For one, I'm left with a lot of freedom to do pretty much whatever I want. I get to spend a lot of time with myself. I get to read a lot of books, and study quietly. At the same time, I also get a lot of my mother's love (my mother's love was imprinted quite obviously on my clothes, my hair, my shoes, and my sense of self when I was a little girl. Everyone could tell). But there are times, especially in the middle of 'A Personal Conflict', when I feel smothered by maternal love. Don't get me wrong though. I know that I'm a very, very lucky girl. On the other hand, I also know that when it's my turn to start a family and have kids I want at least three. (Three is a good number, because from two to three you cross the size threshold from ideal family to large family). Whenever me and my Mom don't see eye to eye with each other (we butt heads a lot; she and I have different views on many things), again I very much wish that I had an older brother to talk to, and to talk to me, share his point of view, and yes, tease me so that I don't have to be by myself all the time, with my mother's words stirring in my head like a toothache.

Where I was Then

During my fall quarter at the University of Chicago, I was greatly disappointed with this place. Now, in my spring quarter, I'm beginning to think whether I was right all along, or whether I was being highly idealistic and naïve. Maybe it was that that got me accepted to this fine institution, famous for its highly gifted faculty, minds, and research. I am just a lowly undergrad, who will graduate with a B.A in Economics, and move on to bigger and better things in life. However, in a sense, I always feel that there wasn't much in it for me, and that I lacked a lot of contact with outside sources regarding getting the best out of my academic and social life. But, in a perverted manner, there was no doubt in my mind was there an ounce of ingenuity in that I still hold dearly to these somewhat half-assed ideas that this place was really a 'dream school'.

Harry Potter (with spoilers)

I have finished 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows'! It is very, very good. J. K. Rowling has dedicated this book to all her readers, "and to you, if you have stuck with Harry until the very end". By the end of the sixth book, much more is known about the history and nature of Lord Voldemort (or Tom Riddle), who, like Harry was also an orphanage and who found his first home at Hogwarts. Tom Riddle has had a deeply troubled and abused childhood, and as a result, became one of the most evil and self-destructing wizards of all time. He has been under patrol and care of Albus Dumbledore, himself a great and wizened wizard of all time. An interesting storyline is ensued, revealing a very intimate and guided relationship between Dumbledore and a very young and handsome wizard on the verge of surrendering himself to the dark forces. Whereas Harry's life was piqued with a longing to found out more about his parents (who died when he was just a baby), Tom Riddle's parents did not lived up to a very happy marriage. In fact, Tom Riddle came from a very noble and old wizard family (he is a descendant of the Slytherins), except his ancestors had unfortunately squandered away their wealth and fame. Added to his greedy and selfish nature, it's not hard to tell that while Riddle and Potter grew up from similar background, this similarity only stops there. Harry Potter was imprinted everywhere with his mother's love. He was not only the Boy Who Lived (much of his adolescent years were spent evading the fame associated with his famous scar), but also the Boy who must grow up to love selflessly and avoid getting hot-headed (many of his adventures from Book One show Harry's character development and increasing knowledge of the fate the ties himself with the dark lord).

By Book Six it is known of Voldemort's dealings with the Dark Arts and his task of immortalizing himself through the creation of six Horcruxes. Dumbledore has also been collecting information on Voldemort's whereabouts and tracking his progress, at the same time, fearing that his fears were true. Snape is misleadingly revealed as Dumbledore's murderer. Through so much deaths presented in this book, the series get darker. But we know later that Severus Snape, (also a one-time headmaster of Hogwarts), was also the bravest wizard Harry would ever know. Added to this captivating story is, time and time again, Dumbledore's wisdom and his hasty (and not to mention fatal) mistakes.

Voldmort's plan backfires, and Harry once again emerges from his troubled, (and sometimes, potentially and irritatingly egoistic self) displaying his remarkable ability to comprehend the flaws of those who had the power but not the heart to use magic for the greater good. It takes a lot of courage to discard the Resurrection Stone and the Elder Wand for the greater good of both the wizarding world and the Muggle world in pursuit of peace. Harry Potter grows up (but not of course, without the support, help, and love of his two best friends).

I've been reading the final book of the Harry Potter series, and I must say that it is very good. Possibly the best second to 'The Prisoner of Azkaban'. I remember a while back reading articles on the Harry Potter series in Time magazine discussing the immense appeal and popularity of the adventures of a boy wizard and the thralls of the wizarding world. Without a doubt, J. K. Rowling has done a wonderful job creating a thoroughly imaginative world. The fact that it is so well made-up (and not forgetting that there are numerous themes underlying it, involving Harry, his friends, Hogwarts, the wizarding world as well as the Muggle world) is a note-worthy appreciation of children and timeless literature. I'm sure that in the near future our course catalog will reveal a study of Harry Potter from the English Literature department, as well as the famed Committee of Social Thought.

A couple of things that I'd like to mention out of my 18 years of formal education. This includes studying the stories of 'The Simsons', 'Lord of the Rings', and of course, 'Harry Potter'.

A lot has happened over the weekend.

Friday was my last day day at work. My colleagues, who've become some of the best of friends, took me out for lunch. We chatted about many things that would probably not have been possible in our office, either because we were swamped with work or because there wasn't the right opportunity to do so.

After work, I went to Womad and enjoyed the evening hanging out with friends.

Two days later, I was shocked and in disbelief to find out that two of my high school classmates were killed in a devastating car crash.

I'm coming to terms with what happened and how difficult it is to say goodbye to the people with whom I was not necessarily close to but whose memories have touched and live on in the lives of so many others. From all the memories and last words that friends and family members have posted it's not hard to tell that they were two great individuals. They will not be forgotten and while their deaths have greatly saddened the Class of 2006, they have left us with invaluable memories and life lessons to be cherished. A big thank you to the Class of 2006, their friends and famillies for their grace and condolences. Peace.

[ed. Thank you - for being so considerate of this post, and for understanding the sentiments. ]

***

Your absence makes us all grieve, [name witheld], because you affected our lives, in both big and little ways. Though I didn't know you too well, my thoughts and wishes are with you and your family.

To [name witheld], who was a genuinely compassionate person who held such a contagious smile. A truly unecessary and tragic death. I wish you all the freedom you should find, in a place absent of pain and full of repaid kindness that you always showed to others. May your soul rest in peace.

[Name witheld],
Your celebration for life will eternally be embedded in our hearts and minds. You were indeed a person who could brighten up someone’s day. I myself never experienced a negative/depressing moment with you. We will remember your laughs, jokes and your benevolence which made you special amongst others.
Your shocking passing away proves God is Short of Angels in the Heavens.

Your Death leaves a Heartache no one can Heal, but more importantly your Love leaves a memory no one can Steal.


***

Love and remembrance always.

There were a few post topics that I was itching to write down. Unfortunately I've been lazy, so this is the consequence of missing out on moments of inspiration. But I will try to write down what it was.

I had a few things in mind that I wanted to write down, and I even called it "verbal diarrhoea", but I've forgotten what it was...

"We wear T-shirts that say ‘U of C: Where fun comes to die,' and we're proud of it," explains a first-year student. Undergraduates must complete an intense "interdisciplinary" core curriculum that "teaches them how to think about literature and philosophy and science." Naturally, "courses are tough." "Once you're out of the fire," though, "you realize how much more enriched you've become intellectually, with respect to how to learn and…knowledge itself." (from the Princeton Review).

This, in fact, is very true. Since the quarter system goes pretty fast, everything at UChicago comes intensively. Ask any student to describe the academic experience and you'll get the response, "It's intense". Likewise, this pressure-cooker studying leads to extreme gratification at the very end, something that not all students appreciate for its packed-punch delivery. What's the worth at the very end? I think this question is too immature; again, I'm making a reference to the veterans of the school, and the well-trodden path. Everything here is, naturally "tough". But the key rule is knowing that one should not "buckle down" or "tough it out". The first informal achievement is getting a knack. The second achievement is understanding that one never stops learning, and that once you finish a course, you are intellectually enriched with respect to learning and knowing. You come out with a deeper respect for knowledge, and will, as time goes, be able to think about literature, politics, and philosophy with great insight.

Milton Friedman famously said, "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch". That's quite remarkable, isn't it? At the dinner table today, I prodigiously observed, "Life is equal share, but life isn't fair". Wow. This is probably the most meaningful phrase I've ever uttered in 19 years. Allow me to elaborate: there's no such thing as a free lunch. In the literal sense, a free lunch was probably earned through hardwork, reputation, and social networking. Most people practice the third through luncheon. Hence, being a good host requires the dexterity of charm, wit, and knowledge. It is easy to acquire knowledge, but to execute it with charm and wit is seemingly difficult. And since we are talking about luncheons, this reminds me of the term 'brown bag lunch', a way of holding discussion panels and seminars at the University, usually featuring a distinguished guest. But enough of that, I'm getting sidetracked...

As the academic year rolled ahead, so did my dorm adventure. It began with wandering into people's room. But it really started with house meetings and house activities. People generally come to house meetings, or, as is the status quo, the regulars usually come to these weekly meetings. There was free food, ocassional midnight breakfast (a concept I have never understood, and probably never will), important announcements made here and there, the more memorable about 1) campus-wide mafia-style detective games, 2) winter-madness, and 3) the arrival of the infamous and extremely popular Scavenger Hunt (which turned the lounge into a cross between a junkyard and a war camp). I learned that living in a dorm almost gaurantees you access to guitars. Everyone had some kind of hidden talent that you wouldn't be "in" on about it, certainly not from those early ice-breaker activities. A history-buff owned a reputable vinyl record collection. There were cool posters to admire, and wardrobes to gush over (if you're a girl). Another house-mate owned a classy poker set. The fourth floor boys pulled off an amazing Thanksgiving study break (extremely popular food gatherings), so you paid them a visit during the weeknights (unless they were out because it's Wednesday, also known as bar-night, courtesy of some fraternity), discover that they owned almost every imaginable kitchen appliance (at your disposal; everyone appreciates your cooking skills), immortalize their wall, etc. Somebody, out of humor, had wedged a Bible into the hinge of their door, using it as a doorstopper - and why not? It probably came off the 'Used Book' racks in front of the Library entrance. There were rooms incredibly messy beyond my own standard. It was a great experience.

Another universal truth about college is college is what you make of it. And there's no better example than this: at a summer send-off, I asked an upperclassmen, out of curiousity, what the college experience at that particular university gave us. After a thoughtful silence, he replied (pensively), "It teaches you how to think". If I must elaborate, it's a combination of sharp analyzing skills, being able to communicate through the fourth wall, understanding social structures and phenomenons with keeness, and, in a complacent kind of way, being "intellectually snobbish". Those who did not get the college experience at this school can easily dismiss this "It teaches you how to think" comment easily, by virtue of its lameness (or whatever that quality is). It's too vague, they would argue. Moreover, the term "intellectually snobbish" sounded as if we were defending our academic reputation, should anyone suspect that our institution is, in a perverted manner, academically irrelevant. What's even more interesting is at a Career: 101 workshop at our career-advising office, one of the counselors related the same line (from graduates on their college years) back to us. This is clearly what the life of the mind is about. No, in the setting of the career-advising office, it was more like the real gem we were endowed with to embark into the real world: the University of Life.

With the best of a meaningful and well-intentioned college experience is grasping universal truths. One fundamental truth is knowing that everything is relative. The second fundamental truth is knowing how important being involved with student activities is. The third fundamental truth is understanding the value of a continued life-long passion for learning. My university is famous for turning students into ambitious, self motivated, enthusiastic individuals with a unique streak. This streak is the trademark Socratic method, which is a characteristic of a 'typical' student from my college. There is a general consensus that such things exist: a collection of characteristics thought to occur naturally and consistently among a student body from the same college. College seemed less like cookie-cutters; rather, they are built on a school of thought, so choosing a college is in one sense determined by 'fit'. I was slowly acquiring a character trait of my from my college and academic experience. It was rubbing off on me.

That didn't mean that I was unhappy. In fact, I was very happy in college. I was socially happy, but not very satisfied academic-wise. For this reason, finding out classes and researching professors became a priority, a task I carried out diligently, wanting to ensure that I got the best possible academic experience. It helped that I asked around, getting advice from upperclassmens who had the experience (I've been through this before) and advice. I very much liked the college atmosphere. Likewise, today, I have "the key to this kingdom" (albeit this is probably not the best analogy), and in a sincere way, I've become more ambitious. I am beginning to figure out what I want for myself; college life has endowed me with many possibilities and opportunities to explore. My circle of friends grew and, with it, my knowledge of several social dimensions. As cheesy as this sounds, college is also about many "firsts". I broke my sleeping records, late-night studyings, shots, guitar lessons, skating, and concepts of numbers. Additionally, I found out that I absolutely love swing-dancing, progressed in French, amongst many more to come. I was coming out of my shell, but at the same time became more defined, but not in a restricted sense. And as bizarre as it sounds, college made us get used to people - a real paradigm shift. The world lay ahead of us, and we were lucky to figure this out in the sanctuary of college.

My family surprised me: my mother called me to tell me dad she and Dad are going to visit me for two weeks late October. Family Weekend was coming up, so this was also an opportunity for parents to see how their kids are doing in college. Prior to this unexpected but pleasantly surprising news, I had been calling Mom and Dad back and forth, breaking them with sorrowful news: I needed an extra comforter because the nights are getting long and the days were getting cold; I was uneasy with how much I was spending, and whether they were all mere impulse purchases. I regretted not having studied the course catalog over the summer - and let's not recall that they were the least pathetic. I was on the helpline and my parents were thousands of miles away, listening to my pleas and desperation. I broke down and cried a lot. Maybe too much, because rather than getting settled, I was becoming less settled, and more disorientated.

Course registration went smoothly. Except I was having a great amount of difficulty choosing which Humanities course to take. Should I take 'Readings in World Literature' because I loved writing commentaries? Or should I choose a more interesting and traditional course like 'Human Being and Citizen' which sounds absolutely amazing from all perspectives? Do I want to read contemprorary novels or Aristotle? In the end, I chose 'Human Being and Citizen,' not exactly sure that I was following my gut feeling, or that my instincts were clouded by other, less relevant conflicts. I regretted the choice on my first day class. My delightfully friendly Bulgarian graduate student lacked the critical skill needed to teach a basic core class: facilitating class discussions. Needless to say, this lack of enthusiasm quickly dampened any hope of being wowed and inspired for the remainder of the quarter. Those who listened to my disappointment explained to me that part of this let down stems from a lack of college class experiences. I needed to adapt to learning, college-style, and let go of my high school remniscents. Part of this problem was a lack of preparation and poor class structure. Essay assignments were handed out on a poorly designed topic that reached out too much and didn't focus on pertinent issues. There was too much to write about and too little to discuss. In the end, I ended up forfeiting an opportunity to pink-slip into another class, to my dismay.

I arrived on a bleak day. Even though the weather was rather pitiful, the campus highlighted it in its wonderful Gothic architecture the atmosphere of the place (The campus is SO beautiful in the spring, when the foliage returns and the greenery is rekindled). I also remembered how pathetic I felt unpacking my stuff in my room. My roommate drove to school, and so had the luxury of bringing every conceivable and unecessary luxury, such as a drawing board, a paperweight, and decorative bookmarks. I still couldn't get my laptop fixed, after a beeline trip to the Campus Computer Store (I was turned down because 1) it wasn't a Mac and 2) I had international warranty, so it is not in their policy to repair something that is under warranty). Not to mention my first time dialing a 1800 hotline number, navigating through the conundrums of voice recognition and customer-service bureaucracy. I wanted efficiency, but had no means to summon it. I felt lost in a country which, in some bizarre fashion, remotely resembled a third world country.

I arrived on campus on a bright, crispy September morning. No, that isn't right. It wasn't a gorgeous day at all - that was coming later, like the Indian Summers in October. My first impression of the city was, thankfully, at its worst. It was raining that day, the sky was grey, and downtown looked rather gloomy, as was the drive on the interstate highways. Lake Michigan looked exactly like the sea - vast and immense. When we alighted at the doorstop, it had stopped raining, but the pavement was wet, and the place had an after-feel of rain showers.

Over the summer, I began preparing for my piano exam in Diploma. I hung out with my friends, and in general pretended that I didn't have to worry about all the preparations and refused to get hyped up about going to college. In short, I was kind of in denial about the whole ordeal, which was odd since it was only a few months ago in April that I cried and whooped with joy after I found out I had been accepted to my dream college. I couldn't blame my indifference on the summer mailings that my college bombarded me either. I also distinctively remembered the large boxed package from FedEx that contained a maroon binder, a guide book (to get me excited about the city and the campus neighborhood), and the Course Catalog. Right away, the course catalog became a job. Yes, I got excited about all the possible courses that I could take as electives (including a humanities course called 'Relativism, Skepticism, and Bullshit' or 'The Pyschology of Negotiation'). What I had been neglecting though, was getting familiar and understanding the academic requirements I needed to fulfill in order to graduate. My dream college was famed for its 'Core Curriculum', and it sounded fantastic and well on paper, the Great Books that formed the canon of Western thought, Aristotle, Socrates, Marx, Durkheim, and Neitzche, to name a few, all elapsed between those pages. I only had, after all, an inkling of the kind of class discussions I would be getting from my core classes. I had no idea that I would miss my high school English class terribly, balk at the way my math professor teaches, refuse to reconcile with myself, and worried over how much money my parents were spending to send me to this supposedly fine institution. I say this things now because I had arrived on campus disillusioned and naive. Today, I'm writing this in a moment of deep reflection, in front of my proud, pearl-white MacBook (I'm a convert, so sue me) definitively happier than I was in high school (that's only natural, isn't it?) with a world-view postively shaped by my first year in college. *I'm very proud of myself, but not in a shameless manner.

The longest summer in memory: we were all recent high school graduates, and life couldn't be better, for now. Graduation was so beautiful - I watched parents, teachers and friends filed into the school auditorium wonderfully decked out for this very special day. This was different. There was no 'obnoxious kid' or even the possibility that our beloved principal would swoop down and make a scene in front of the whole grade regarding order, daily school life, and administration drama. Everyone looked stunning. And it was the BEST day of high school. It was not only about celebrating the end of our high school career, but also a celebration of a new beginning. For most of us, this meant liberation from the late-nights, groggy Monday mornings, weekly assemblies with the rest of our peers, exams and the stress of senior year. Deep inside however, I was feeling mixed joy; happy but reluctant to leave this chapter of my life behind. Only a little though. We graduated from high school, and, officially crossed an unspoken threshold that allowed us to chat informally with our former teachers. Also, life couldn't be better, because we had the longest summer ahead of us. Most of the grade went out and partied hard (over the lasts year, each of us, one by one, became 'legal' in the drinking sense).

I've been meaning to, this summer, write about things that I feel strongly need to be written down. Because I couldn't bring myself to type it up in Word, I've decided that the best place to explore how I want this piece to be written is here. A virtual sandbox. The past year proved to be the best and the most "tulmultous" year in my life. I remembered how, the summer before senior year, I was browsing through college websites, frequently looking at various college rankings, including the famed 'U.S. and News Report', anxious and half-excited about all the possible places I would go. I already knew from the beginning that I am going to study in the States. My school life at the Shanghai American School and the International School of Kuala Lumpur gave me a dose of the 'American' curriculum; liberal arts is the way to go. Furthermore, I had grown inwardly critical of the British system that, after all my years, was best summed as a system constructed and based on a traditional syllabus. American schools emphasize on school projects, homemade Rube Goldberg machines, science projects, art projects, and recess. It was the best place for creativity, and the best environment for nurturing children from an early age. Now, this is all very scantily said, but what I have written is genuine, and nothing beats genuine, except for one inconvenient truth: it is still a crude piece of prose that has yet to undergo various draft cycles, edits, cuts and manouevres in order to (paradoxically) best express my thoughts.