People don't change when you tell them there is a better option. They change when they conclude that they have no other option...that might be true in some cases.

I have so much things to do these days....

Say, for example, I have to weigh out the various factors involved in choosing whether to continue living with the Yeung family or move in with another of my family friend...

I don't know whether it's possible to go back in time and think about all that I should have done in the past few days.

What happened to all of that self-confidence that I built up at Dale Carnegie?

You have to make people feel attracted to you, regardless of what you have been doing for the last two years...

I think the problem is that I'm just too shy to be the best person that I can ever be.

First of all, am I happy where I am?

Maybe I didn't do what I should be doing all along...

Those with grit persist, and they find that suddenly, almost overnight, without knowing how or why it has happened, they have made great progress. They have lifted from the plateau like an airplane. Abruptly they have acquired naturalness, force, and confidence in their speaking.

If you will but persevere, you will soon eradicate everything, including this initial fear; and that will be initial fear, and nothing more. After the first few sentences, you will have control of yourself. You will be speaking wiht positive pleasure.

And in the after Professor Williams James:

Let no you have any anxiety about the upshot of his education, whatever the line of it may be. If he keeps faithfully busy each hour of the working day, he may safely leave the final result to itself. He can, with perfect certainty, count on waking up some fine morning to find himself one of the competent ones of his generation, in whatever pursuit he may have singled out.

[Dale Carnegie adds this extra comment]: I shall go so far as to say that if you keep right on practicing intelligently, you may confidently hope to wake up one fine morning and find yourself one of the competent speakers of your city or community.

[continued, Dale Carnegie speaking]:
I have known and carefully watched literally thousands of persons trying to gain self-confidence and the ability to talk in public. Those that succeeded were, in only a few instances, persons of unusual brilliancy. For the most part, they were the ordinary run of business-men you will find in your own home town. But they kept on. More exceptional men sometimes got discouraged or too deeply immersed in money-making, and they did not get very far; but the ordinary individual with grit and singleness of purpose, at the end of the road, was at the top.

How well you succeed is largely determined by thoughts you have prior to speaking. See yourself in your imagination talking to others with perfect self-control.

The word "leadership" has been used often in the chapters that have gone before this one. Clear, forceful, and emphatic expressiveness is one of the marks of leadership in our society. This expressiveness must govern all the utterances of the leader from private interview to public announcements. Properly applied, the material in this book will help to develop leadership - in the family, the church group, the civic organization, the corporation, and the government.

Summarize:

Ask them to do something specific:

Don't say, "Help the Red Cross"

That's too general.

Say, instead, "Send your enrollment fee of one dollar tonight to the American Red Cross, 125 Smith Street in this city"

Ask the audience for one response that is within their power to give.

Don't say, "Let us cast our ballot against the Demon Rum"

It can't be done. At the moment, we aren't balloting on the Demon Rum. You could, instead, ask them to join a temperance society or to contribute to some organization which is fighting for prohibition.

Make it as easy as you can for your audience to act on your approval.

Don't say, "Write your congressman to vote against this bill." Ninety-nine per cent of your listeners won't do it. They are not vitally interested; or it is too much trouble; or they will forget. So make it easy and pleasant to act. How? By writing a letter yourself to your congressman, saying, "We, the undersigned, urge you to vote against Bill No. 74321." Pass the letter around with a fountain pen, and you will probably get a lot of signers - and perhaps lose your fountain pen.

In long talks, the hearers are liable, in the words of Shakespeare, to "remember a mass of things but nothing distinctly".

A speaker who begins a talk with a story from his experience is on safe ground, for there is no groping for words, no loss of ideas. The experience he is relating is his, a re-creation, as it were, of part of his life, the very fiber of his being. The result? A self-assured, relaxed manner which will help a speaker establish himself on a friendly basis with an audience.

"A person with his desk piled high with papers on various matters will find his work much easier and more accurate if he clears that desk of all but the immediate problem on hand. I call this good housekeeping, and it is the number-one step toward efficiency."

Talking things out.

1. Keep a notebook or scrapbook for "inspirational" reading. Into this book you can paste all the poems or short prayers, or quotations,which appeal to you personally and give you a lift. Then, when a rainy afternoon sends your spirits plunging down, perhaps you can find a recipe in this book for dispelling the gloom. Many patients kept such notebooks for years. They said it was a spiritual "shot in the arm".

2. Don't dwell too long on the shortcomings of others! One woman at the class who found herself developing into a scolding, nagging, and haggard-faced wife, was brought up short with the question: "What would you do if your husband died?" She was so shocked by the idea that she immediately sat down and drew up a list of all her husband's good points. She made quite a list. Why don't you try the same thing the next time you feel you married a tyrant? Maybe you'll find, after reading your spouse's virtues, that he or she is a person you'd like to meet!

3. Get interested in people! Develop a friendly, healthy interest in the people who share your life. One ailing woman who felt herself so "exclusive" that she hadn't any friends, was told to try to make up a story about th enext person she met. She began, in the bus, to eave backgrounds and settings for the people she saw. She tried to imagine what their lives had been like. First thing you know, she was talking to people everywhere - and today she is happy, alert, and a charming human being, cured of her "pains."

4. Make up a schedule for tomorrow's work before you go to bed tonight. The class found that many people feel driven and harassed by the unending round of work and things they must do. They never got their work finished. They were chased by the clock. To cure this sense of hurry, and worry, the suggestion was mad that they draw up a schedule each night for the following day. What happened? More work accomplished; much less fatigue; a feeling of pride and achievement, and time left over for rest and enjoyment.

5. Finally - avoid tensions and fatigue. Relax! Relax! Nothing will make you look old sooner than tension and fatigue. Nothing will work such havoc with your freshness and looks! My assistant sat for an hour in the Boston Though Control Class, while Professor Paul E. Johnson, the director, went over many of the principle we have already discussed in the previous chapter - the rules for relaxing. At the end of ten minutes of these relaxing exercises, which my assistant did with the others, she was almost asleep sitting upright in her chair! Why is such stress laid on this physical relaxing? Because the clinic knows - as other doctors know - that if you're going to get the worry-kinks out of people, they've got to relax!

One of the best remedies for lightening worry is "talking your troubles over with someone you trust. We call it cartharsis.

When patients come here, they can talk their troubles over at length, until they get them off their minds. Brooding over worries alone, and keeping them to oneself, causes great nervous tension. We all have to share our troubles. We have to share worry. We have to feel there is someone in the world who is willing to listen and able to understand.

So the next time we have an emotional problem, why don't we look around for someone to talk to? I dont' mean, of course, to go around making pests of ourselves by whining and complaining to everyone in sight. Let's decide on someone we can trust, and make an appointment. Maybe a relative, a doctor, a lawyer, a minister, or priest. Then say to that person: "I want your advice, I have a problem, and I wish you would listen while I put it in words, You may be able to advise me. You may see angles to this thing that I can't see myself. But even if you can't, you will help me tremendously if you will just sit and listen while I talk it out."

Last night I watched the opening ceremony of the 2008 Olympic Games held in Beijing.

It was definitely one of the best opening ceremony in Olympic history.

Particularly sweet was the incorporation of the 5,000 year old ancient history, culture, and Civilization of China, with the spectacular performance which lasted more than 3 hours and which was directed by the famous Chinese director, Zhang Yimou.

I particularly liked the dance which mimicked the Chinese brush painting, and how almost every performance took the giant stage shaped in the form of the scroll as center-stage.

The lighting of the torch involved Li Ning who was raised on wires and mimed running around the stadium, at the same time, a virtual scroll unrolled paralleled to him, unfurling the different leg of the journey. In the end, the torch was lit from the base with a feeding tube which allowed the flame to travel all the way to the top!

Art begins where the tiny bit begins.

Get into an example immediately

You will free yourself at once of the necessity to think hard about your next sentence, for experiences are easily recounted even in an impromptu situation.
You will get into the swing of speaking, and your first-moment jitters will fly away, giving you the opportunity to warm up to your subject matter.
You will enlist the attention of your audience at once.

The incident-example is a sure-fire method of capturing attention immediately.

Once we get the body charged up and animated, we very soon will get the mind functioning at a rapid pace. So my advice is to throw yourself with abandon into your talk and you will help to insure your success as an impromptu speaker.

State your point, what you want the audience to do

Assume you are talking for two minutes. You have about twenty seconds in which to hammer home the desired action you wish the audience to take and the benefit they can expect as aresult of doing what you ask. The need for detail is over. The time for forthright, direct assertion has come. It is the reverse of the newspaper technique. Instead of giving the headline first, you give the news story and then you headline it with you Point or appeal for action. This step is governed by three rules:

Make the point brief and specific

Instead of
"Think of our grandparents now and then"

say instead
"Make point of visiting your grandparents this weekend"

Instead of the statement
"Be patriotic" should be converted to
"Cast your vote next Tuesday"

Action. Don't tell the idea, use something that says what the idea is, that is still explicit! :-)

Make the point easy for listeners to do

Instead of
"Start now to improve your memory of names"

"Repeat the name of the next stranger you meet five times within five minutes after you meet him."

The task of preparation of a talk is a task of reconstructing the answers to the questions Who? When? Where? What? Why? You must stimulate the visual imagination of your listeners by painting word pictures.

The Law of Exercise
A series of similar incidents leads to a change of our behavioral patterns.

Law of Effect
A single event may be so startling as to cause a change in our conduct.

Every talk, regardless of whether the speaker realizes it or not, has one of four major goals.

1. To persuade or get action.
2. To inform.
3. To impress and convince.
4. To entertain.

Magic formula:
Start your talk by giving us the details of your Example, an incident that graphically illustrates the main idea you wish to get across.
In specific clear-cut terms give your Point, tell exactly what you want your audience to do.
Give your Reason, that is, highlight the advantage or benefit to be gained by the listener when he does what you ask him to do.

Urbanisation

Technological
1. Techno-reliance
How vulnerable are you?
2. Energy
How is your city powered?
3. Transport
How will you move around?
4. Intelligent buildings
Will your home be smart?

According to the Intelligent Building Group, "An intelligent building provides a sustainable, responsive, effective and supportive environemnt within which individuals and organisations can achieve their objectives." Intelligent buildings can be high-tech or low-tech. For exmaple, high-tech buildings can form interconnected hubs within citywide infrastructures. Modular construction, on the other hand, can provide low-cost, low-tech housing suited to the environemnt.

The 'house of the future' prouject has investigated teh implications of enviromental, social, and energy-=source changes on future house design. Passive solar heating, greater use of daylight, natural venilationa and natural colling systems can be incorporated cost-effectively intomost buildings. Solar water heating, photovoltaics, wind turbines, and geothermal energy systems can be incorporated to utilise resources such as the sun and the wind to produce clean energy. Ways to collect rainfall and reduce water use are also being identified. Other forms of water conservation include the use of greywater systems to filter and recycle water from bathrooms and washing machines for re-use in flushing toilets or irrigation.

5. Connectivity
How do you keep in touch?

Social
1. Community
Do you know your neighborhoods?
2. Aspirations
Are urban opportunities a myth?
3. Health
Is city living good for you?
4. Housing
Is the roof over your head robust?
5. Growth
Is your city too big?

Economic
1. Employment
Can cities provide enough jobs?
2. Global economy
Who controls your job?
3. Poverty
Are there two cities within each city?
4. Agriculture
Where should your food be grown?
5. Congestion
How long do you wait?

Environmental
1. Urban footprint
How many worlds will an urban future need?
2. Natural disasters
Is your city in the right place?
3. Eco-cities
How green is your city?
4. Flooding
Will your city drown?
5. Heat islands
How will you keep cool?

Political
1. Rural areas
Who will be left?
2. Planning policies
Who are cities planned for?
3. Infrastructure
Who should pay?
4. Displaced communities
Where will the refugees go?
5. Mayors
Who do you want to govern you?

Social
1. Clothes
Do you mend your socks?
2. Advertising
Can you switch off?
The single most important factor for people wanting a specific brand is clever advertising.
3. Marginal communities
When is waste a lifeline?
4. Households
What's in your dustbin?
5. Not-in-my-backyard (NIMBY)
Would you live next to an incinerator?

Technological
6. Planned obsolescence
Are your products designed to last?
7. Industrial symbiosis
When does waste become a resource?
8. Energy resource
When will waste be used to heat your home?
9. Biological treatment
When is waste edible?
10. New product life
What's your fleece made from?
11. Excess baggage
What does wealth leave behind?
12. Costing externalities
How much would you pay for plastic bag?
13. Pay-as-you-throw
Should we be charged for producing rubbish?
14. Hidden costs
Would you throw your money down the drain?
15. Green procurement
How many recycled products do you buy?

Environmental
1. Unseen impact
What's the true weight of your diamond?
2. Long-term persistence
What's your poison?
3. Methane
Is your garbage warming the planet?
4. Resource depletion
Who will pay our debts to nature?
5. Polluted waters
Do you swim in the ocean?

Political
6. Impact awareness
Is recycling always the best option?
7. Producer responsibility
When will 'take back' be the norm?
8. Exportation
Who gets your trash?
9. Minimisation
Is zero waste achievable?
10. Collection
Is your waste collected?

The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior:

1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
5. Match those benefits to the other person's wants.
6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.

e.g., Will John be happy about doing what you suggest? Probably not very happy, but happier than if you had not pointed out he benefits. Assuming you know that John has pride in the way his stockroom looks and is interested in contributing to the company image, he will be more likely to be cooperative. It also will have been pointed out to John that the job would have to be done eventually and by doing it now, he won't be faced with it later.

It is naive to believe you will always get a favorable reaction from other persons when you use these approaches, but the experience of most people shows that you are more likely to change attitudes this way than by not using these principles - and if you increase your successes by even a mere 10 percent, you have become 10 percent more effective as a leader thatn you were before - and that is your benefit.

People are more likely to do what you would like them to do when you use...
Principle 9
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

If you want to help others to improve, remember...
Principle 8
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

If you want to excel in that difficult leadership role of changing the attitude o behavior of others, use...

Principle 7
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Talk about changing people. If you and I will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realization of the hidden treasures they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.

Exaggeration? Then listen to these sage words from William James, one of the most distinguished psychologists and philosophers America has ever produced:

Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use.

Yes, you are reading these lines possess powers of various sorts which you habitually fail to use; and one of these powers you are probably not using to the fullest extent is your magic ability to praise people and inspire them with a realization of their latent possibilities.

Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement. To become a more effective leader of people, apply...

Principle 6
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty" in your approbation and lavish in your praise.

In his book I Ain't Much, Baby - But I'm All I Got, the psychologist Jess Lair comments: "Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the arm sunshine of praise.